In the ongoing interests of using positivity as a weapon against this recovery, I’m trying to surface things that feel better and listen to those thoughts rather than the darker ones. So a few small little milestones this week:
- My first day without any painkillers since the operation.
I kicked the Tramadol usage at the weekend. After 24 hours I realised how much I’d been living in a stoned haze; My mind seems sharper; More like my non-recovery self.
- I sat upright on the sofa and worked in that position for hours yesterday. The back pain of being slumped around had become more significant than the discomfort down below, so being able to sit up is a big deal. It’s not great, but way better than it was.
- I’ve just spent a morning troubled by indigestion, which on the face of it is not much fun, but I’ve become aware that there are other feelings in my body beyond the dull ache and occasional electric shock feelings of nerves reconnecting in my new vagina.
- I’m able to stand a little more upright. This sounds like a minor thing, but being so hunched feels really so unfeminine and is pretty uncomfortable. I can’t really engage my core muscles for best posture yet as it seems to simultaneously pull my skin and external scars down there a little more than I am comfortable with, but I see it being on the horizon.
It feels like I turned a corner.