GRS Diary: Day 93 – Back in Hospital

So I’m back. In this hospital. Wearing scrubs. Only this time without all the excitement.

I spoke to Jib on the ride over here. Apparently if I do need skin grafts – it will be like starting all over again in terms of the dilation and internal healing. I’ll also have internal packing and a catheter just like I had immediately post op and I’ll certainly need to stay out here longer. It’s a little overwhelming. She was adamant that I’d be ok and worrying was worse than not. She has said that to me in the past and she was always right.

One thing about Dr Suporn is that he’s very matter of fact. If he says there is a chance of needing a skin graft. He literally means that. In the west, doctors often couch bad news in optimism where a “chance of needing” means “likely to need”, but here, experience teaches me it is more literal. So I am hopeful that he finds less and I can just get back to my life.

I’ve showered and am wearing my scrubs and am just waiting to go in. This is my “fuck hospital” face apparently.


On the plus side I have an amazing view from 907


Post Surgery Update:

The trip to theatre was more coherent than the last time. I think last time, I must have been quite stoned on the sleeping pill from the night before and barely remember much, but this time it was very vivid. I remembered changing gurnets multiple times and observing much more of the hospital. I tried to concentrate on breathing and happy thoughts to push back the anxiety.

The O.R. was familiar and the process felt normal which helped me feel like it would be ok. Dr Suporn reassured me that he would do as little as he needed to. The nurses were laughing and joking and it felt good. Dr Suporn’s anaesthetist is one of the nicest, calming human beings you will meet. I remember feeling happy to see him before going under.


Upon waking in the recovery room, I remember my eye being itchy. I vaguely remember the Anaesthetist telling me I had had skin grafts, which explained the burning sensation on my pubic area near my left leg.

As I got back to the room, I was in a lot of discomfort with my eye and asked for eye drops. The nurses said “ok 20 minutes”. After 20 and 40, they said that an Ophthalmologist was coming but they didn’t know when. All I wanted was saline eye drops and in the 2 hours it took her to arrive, I’d massively aggravated my eye further. She was lovely and prescribed drops and antibiotic drops and ointment.
The burning sensation on my leg was growing. Everything else was just mild pain. I was pretty stoned. I chatted with my friends back home over Skype , which felt better, though I suspect I sounded pretty out of it. The rest of the evening I zoned out and eventually slept.

  • Audrey

    Hi Amy,

    We met last September and I just found your blog. I’m sad to read you’re struggling so much. It has been quite hard for me as well. I’d like to contact you privately, could you please send me an email?


    • Amy

      Hello Audrey,

      I’ll ping you an email

      Amy x