GRS Diary: Extra Post – Why am I not terrified?

I feel strangely serene. Actually I feel like an astronaut waiting in those final few hours. This metaphor may seem cliched and obvious, but it really does have this kind of feeling.

Maybe one of the later Apollo missions; Apollo 16 perhaps. Not the last not the first. Others have gone before, but so few. It was an extraordinary act; To step on the surface of another world. The later missions were regarded by the public as almost routine. And yet… still in reality utterly extraordinary.

Long before the Saturn 5 left the launch pad, the astronauts were in a system. They were scrubbed and cleaned out and tested and poked. They were given special low fibre food (usually steak). Eventually when the time comes, they are dressed by the others around them. Then they lead are to the bus that will take them to the foot of the immense rocket. They are guided and helped into the lift and ascend to the top of the structure. There they walk a few final steps and are helped into the command module. There they are strapped in and made ready for departure. There is a count down and eventually the incredible machine truly begins their remarkable voyage.

In the period before the launch, they of course have not really left… and at any point could (as unlikely as that might be) say “Actually I’d rather not go to the moon”, but the reality is the launch process begins days before and they have surrendered themselves to a process.

Before boarding the plane to come to Thailand, I was acutely scared and anxious of what comes next, but once I arrived I have felt like one of those astronauts. Now in a process that would begin my extraordinary journey that so few will ever appreciate.

Like those astronauts all along the way before and during their voyage, I have a large team of the best people in the world watching over me.

Like those astronauts, I will be forever changed by my experience.


  • Sean

    I’m crying as I read these diary entries. My partner went to Thailand for surgery 3 years ago and I went with her to care for her and support her any way I could. Alot has happened in our lives since then, but your writing and photographs stimulate very clear memories, as if it were yesterday. I was also amazed and inspired by the strength of the women we met, especially the ones who were there alone. There was an obvious need for a qualified counsellor and I can totally imagine going back and providing that emotional support to people having surgery.

  • Heya

    All the best with this journey. Dr Suporn is amazing and everything is going to be great. Source: personal experience of fellow suporn sister. August 4th was mine.

  • Stephanie

    OK.. I admit that I almost never leave comments.. And that I should be more lady like.. plus i have no social skills ..
    But please let us know that you are OK ..because I am worried that we haven’t heard anything since. Or I am going to have to have a very stern conversation with you..
    I hope all is going well

    • Amy

      hello Stephanie,

      I am sorry if my absence left any worry in your mind. I will write an update soon, but hospital was beyond hard for me and since coming out my brain and energy levels have been so low – I haven’t written anything much. Tomorrow I will get up to date. I sincerely appreciate your concern.

      Amy x