I’m so envious of…

One of the things I felt a lot during the emotional side of this journey was “x is so lucky because they’re doing this in their 20s” or some other someone else has this so much easier than me.
Clearly it’s all just perspective… I was at a trans house party last week. I was the youngest and slimmest there – a couple of people expressed the same sentiment – “you’ve got youth on your side”, “you’re lucky that you’re so slim”.
So yeah – then I was watching Louis Theroux’s documentary on Transgender Children recently. Overall it was excellent and very sensitively handled as of course you’d expect with anything he produces. My initial feeling was a flicker of envy at those that confronted these feelings as children rather than as I’m doing in my 30s with all the physical issues caused by testosterone as the body matures.
There was a 13 year old girl who was transitioning with the support of her parents. Again, my snap judgement was “how lucky is she to be doing this so early”. I then saw the adversity of doing this as a teenager when you’re between the world of children and the world of adults, plus the massive unkindness that teenagers have towards each other. I actually think that maybe I have it a bit easier at this stage of life as people of my age group seem to have been wrestling with their own existential demons for a few years and also are starting to become more comfortable in their own skin and hence more accepting of other people’s own need to find comfort in their own skin. Certainly I’ve been surprised how totally accepting everyone I’ve told has been so far.
So I guess I choose to believe I’m lucky.