Given that it’s the first of January, it seems like I should either write something about looking back at the first year of transition or ahead at the sequel. I decided to be forward looking, so here are nine things that I’m looking forward to in 2016, the second year of my transition:
- Voice Therapy
Feeling confident when speaking would make a huge difference to my happiness. I feel like I’ve reached a bit of an impasse with my voice – On the phone it’s hopeless however hard I try, but on the other hand, face to face people tell me it’s not so bad. I take this as being that they have the visual cue to tell them that they’re talking to a woman. I’ve got a few sessions booked with a brilliant voice therapist starting in a couple of weeks. Right now I think this is one of the two things that would make the most difference to my day to day life. After FFS (facial feminisation surgery) I think I now pass visually a lot of the time, but when I open my mouth not so much. I’m going to work hard at this in 2016 and maybe if I don’t make enough progress then I’d consider voice surgery further down the road.
- Massive Professional Challenges
My work at the moment is probably as challenging and stressful as it’s ever been in my career so far. I’m responsible for facilitating & coming up with compelling ideas and ways of shaping and presenting those ideas that are just very difficult & the stakes are high for us right now. Perhaps not a conducive environment for a successful transition and finding my femininity you might say, but it is really exciting. Overcoming the major challenges in the first half of this year will be a really hard work, but super rewarding if I can do what needs to be done.
- Restarting Laser Hair Removal
I had to stop laser hair removal for FFS, 6 weeks before through to 6 weeks after. I have been a little shocked by how much it recovered in this time. I now realise hitting it with laser every four weeks meant that it could never quite regrow and this period of abstinence has let me see how much there is still left. It’s just a horrible daily task that most women don’t have to deal with and I can’t wait until the day when I just wakeup and am not greeted by it. It’s going to be a long road ahead – another year – maybe two, but it will be so worth it. I really hope I can make some progress before September (you’ll see why in a minute when you read number 7).
- Longer Hair
This one’s the fluffy one in the list. I am loving having long(ish) hair. I am loving taking care of it. I am loving trying new things with it. But it’s still kinda half way. I’m really envious of women with long hair. I can imagine how nice it will be to feel it on my neck and have ‘proper girl’s hair’. Reading this – it sounds juvenile, but who cares? Six months will make all the difference – all I have to do is wait.
- Running & Fitness
Because of number 7, which you’ll read about in a minute, I need to get fit this year. Running is a passion of my close friend and they entered the two of us in a 10K race in July. I’m still embargoed from exercise after my last surgery, but should be able to get out there in a month… Which will give me six months to get into shape for the race.I’m also looking into joining a local Trans Swimming group. It’s been a very long time since I’ve been able to swim and the thought of being able to do it again is really exciting, though I am a little apprehensive.
- Getting my affairs in order
This is kind of a big bucket of sub goals, plans & ideas. It’s partly driven by the big thing below (yes number 7 again) and partly because it’s just good stuff to do. I left a bunch of people behind last year: Some family members and some friends. I needed stability and so I couldn’t focus on building bridges. Now is the time to work on that. But not just people, I need to be more fiscally responsible and sort some stuff out there and also just simplify my life.
This is the big one – I’m currently planning to have GRS with Dr Suporn in Thailand in September 2016; Just over 250 days away. I’m utterly terrified about what a mountain this is going to be, but excited to imagine a time before the end of the year where I take a shower and look down at myself and feel happy with what I see. I know the recovery will be painful and hard, but the sooner I start, the sooner it will be over and I will get there.
- Being the best parent I can be
My Ex and I have negotiated better access for my daughters, which means that we will get to spend more time together. Many people in my position don’t have this. Either they didn’t get to have children before they transitioned or their family situation has become difficult since transition; I am so lucky to have these incredible, intelligent, funny and beautiful people in my life.
- Developing my new relationships
I’ve made some really special new relationships in the first year of my transition. People whom I hope will be an ongoing part of my new life. I can’t wait to develop these friendships further in 2016. You know who you are. 😉 x
I’ve got lots more that I need to write about (most notably my Facial Feminisation Surgery) and I’m going to try and make this a month of writing again.