GRS Diary: Day 100 – Another Revision

Dilation since surgery has been pretty rough. The first dilation, I’d lost 3cm of depth and could only manage 14cm. Over the next few days, I worked my way back to 16cm and don’t feel like there’s anymore to go, which is still a centimetre lost, but I can live with that.

Thursday is clinic day. On clinic days there is often lots of sitting around in the waiting area chatting with the other women. It is one of the social hub activities.

When Doctor Suporn came into the exam room, he seemed almost more concerned about the mosquito bites on my feet and legs than my veejay.  He said he would prescribe antihistamines. It seemed really kind, because he could have just left me to sort it out with a local pharmacy.

He then examined me and said that I had more granulation that had formed “very quickly” since my operation last Friday. He physically showed me in the mirror that lumps of granulation look big and scary, but they are essentially sacks of blood and tissue, with very small connection to the body. He said that if this happened back home it would have just healed in a month, but he would remove it today.

I didn’t feel any nervousness at the prospect of a revision – as this would be my third in his little operating theatre above the clinic.

The process is always the same. They apply numbing strips and cream to the area & leave you to wait for thirty minutes. While I waited Aey came an applied cream to my mosquito bites – again so much kindness here. Then I was lead into the operating theatre. It’s slightly dated looking somehow, which made me nervous the first time, but just feels familiar now. Because he was going to cauterize the granulation electrically they put a pad with a wire coming out of it under my arm. Like the other times, Jib stayed to talk to me and it really helps as a distraction. At one point, I felt something that might have been a scratch and I said to her “I think he just injected me”. He glanced up and said “I already did it”. I could then hear an electrical buzzing sound of the cauterization, but couldn’t feel a thing. He then stitched away for maybe ten minutes. At the end of the operation he showed me with a mirror. My result seems to get better and better. I made completely the right choice in coming here.

One of the other women had asked if they could do a group picture and I got one too – it feels like a lovely souvenir of my experience and time hereIMG_0280

Back row: Kookai, Dr Suporn, me, Mrs Suporn, Bow, Aew
Front row: Baitoei, Aey, Jib, Mod

Trip to Dr Suporn’s Beach House

Part of the suporn experience is the day trip to his beach house. I did it last time I was here and today I got the opportunity to go again.

Before going to the beach house, they take you to a temple. it is apparently a place for chinese people in Thailandt is, but it’s incredibly ornate and quite impressive to see. There was also a massive drum and huge bell to ring. As experiences go – it’s pretty average tourist fodder, but compared to the hotel it’s the most interesting place on earth.

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After the temple, we went to Dr Suporn’s beach house

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It’s hard to really describe what it feels like to see this picture; To look at this and know it is me; I am her. I lived a good, successful life but carried around a sadness deep within me at a thing that I thought I could never have. I live that life now. I made it to the other side and sometimes it feels pretty amazing.

Amy x

My Clitoris(s) and my first orgasm(s)

I rarely talk about my sexualityor my sex life here. This blog is about my gender odyssey. But this news feels significant and relevant – especially for someone considering the potential risks of lower surgery.

The decision to have lower surgery as a trans person is one that you must make with the knowledge of the possibility of never having an orgasm again. Some people have no sensation afterwards, some people experience necrosis of sensate areas such as the clitoris and consequently can’t orgasm. Dr Suporn is renowned for having a very good rate of sensate patients postoperatively, but there was always the chance that I could be the unlucky one.

In the weeks post op, he poked at my clitoris during exam and remarked “sensation good”. He pointed out that I had a little necrosis around the clitoris which was worrying ,but he assured me it would “fall away”. He was right and it seemed to clear up within a week.

I later learned one amazing fact about Dr Suporn’s technique. Other surgeons use what they need to build a clitoris and discard the rest of the donor material. Dr Suporn doesn’t waste anything – this seems core to his surgical philosophy. So, he buries any remaining sensate tissue lower down which forms a secondary sensate area – kind of like a second clitoris. But the real benefit is that if there is a problem he has enough material that he can build a further two clittorisses. When I heard about this – I was simply amazed at the genius of this man.

As it turns out I’ve not had problems with this part of my anatomy. Lots of granulation in various places, but that part is OK. But due to the complications I’ve experienced and just the arduousness normal recovery has not really made me want to explore or even think of myself in a particularly sexual way. I’d touched it from time to time, but just decided not to try and get ‘there’. After my revision, I am finally feeling well for the first time in months and it happened.

I’m not going to go into details about how I did it, because that feels private, but I had my first orgasm. It was pretty different to experiencing it in the before time – definitely better. I had another one a few minutes later that was much bigger than the first and experienced across a greater proportion of my body.

It was a scary thought to think that the decision to become physically whole could cost me this and I am hugely relieved that I haven’t lost that side of my life.

What a strange and remarkable journey this is.