They woke me. I feel very wobbly and drunk from the pill.
The woman that did the enema came to shave me. It was a weirdly relaxing experience. I’m drunk.
She asked me to shower and use medical soap on my parts. I feel wobbly.
This is great. All big events should having you feel this fuzzy.
Now I am in my gowns. Waiting for whatever thing happens next.
I don’t feel much of anything right now. All drunk from the pill… And I still don’t quite believe what is happening.
As I lay here, there is an awakening fuzzy excitement.
In this hungover drunk state, my instinct is to drink water, but that would not be permitted.
I think I am waiting for Dr Suporn and the lovely anaesthesiologist. It doesn’t matter more things will happen soon. I just have to wait. Kinda dozing. This is the perfect way to begin.
Aey, one of the clinic ladies that care for us came in and told me I can rest till 07:30. Think I may sleep, though I want to be present emotionally even through this fogginess.
My children sent me a beautiful video message. It has me in tears. Dilly is her usual big ball of cute. Robyn is clearly anxious. I need to give her more and be a better parent to her. I feel like I fail her.
It is strange laying here. I just put my hands down there. It feels slightly strange to think that it will be gone in a few minutes. But I still don’t quite believe it.
Blood test, pulse, temperature.
The band just made it real. Somehow I feel sharper. Some of the fog is gone.
Told to pee one last time.
I can hear a gurney. They’re coming for me now.
They trundled me through the corridors. I felt stoned. It was all a blur.
We arrived in the operating theatre. I was moved onto the operating table. There was a lot of movement in the room: The nurses were preparing. There was a woman (who I now believe was the head nurse) who was at my right side talking to me. I don’t remember what we talked about, but it was comforting. I didn’t feel any panic, whether through the remnants of the sleeping pill or the distraction of the conversation. They were sticking things into my left hand. I didn’t look, I just kept talking to the nurse. Suporn arrived. I barely recognised him in my haze. The nurse told me it was him. After some period of time, I’d guess minutes he turned around, then nothing.