Suporn Diary – Day 6 – Last moments of being “pre-op”

They woke me. I feel very wobbly and drunk from the pill.

The woman that did the enema came to shave me. It was a weirdly relaxing experience. I’m drunk.

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She asked me to shower and use medical soap on my parts. I feel wobbly.

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This is great. All big events should having you feel this fuzzy.

Now I am in my gowns. Waiting for whatever thing happens next.

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I don’t feel much of anything right now. All drunk from the pill… And I still don’t quite believe what is happening.

As I lay here, there is an awakening fuzzy excitement.

In this hungover drunk state, my instinct is to drink water, but that would not be permitted.

I think I am waiting for Dr Suporn and the lovely anaesthesiologist. It doesn’t matter more things will happen soon. I just have to wait. Kinda dozing. This is the perfect way to begin.


Aey, one of the clinic ladies that care for us came in and told me I can rest till 07:30. Think I may sleep, though I want to be present emotionally even through this fogginess.

My children sent me a beautiful video message. It has me in tears. Dilly is her usual big ball of cute. Robyn is clearly anxious. I need to give her more and be a better parent to her. I feel like I fail her.

It is strange laying here. I just put my hands down there. It feels slightly strange to think that it will be gone in a few minutes. But I still don’t quite believe it.

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Blood test, pulse, temperature.

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The band just made it real. Somehow I feel sharper. Some of the fog is gone.

Told to pee one last time.

I can hear a gurney. They’re coming for me now.


Updated later:

They trundled me through the corridors. I felt stoned. It was all a blur.

We arrived in the operating theatre. I was moved onto the operating table. There was a lot of movement in the room: The nurses were preparing. There was a woman (who I now believe was the head nurse) who was at my right side talking to me. I don’t remember what we talked about, but it was comforting. I didn’t feel any panic, whether through the remnants of the sleeping pill or the distraction of the conversation. They were sticking things into my left hand. I didn’t look, I just kept talking to the nurse. Suporn arrived. I barely recognised him in my haze. The nurse told me it was him. After some period of time, I’d guess minutes he turned around, then nothing.

  • Ella

    Sending you my best!

  • Monica Mulholland

    Are you still alive out there….??? Hope you are doing well and recovering! Let us know that you are OK!

    • Amy

      Dear Monica,

      I apologise for my silence post-op. It has been a pretty awful time. I’m really only just holding it together with recovery and now dilation and work and my children. I’m going to go back and publish my notes from those days over the next few weeks. Thank you for the concern.

      Amy x

  • Jessica

    Crazy crazy journey! Ive enjoyed catching up on your blog after Shannon told me about you. Love and hugs girl, where you are now and have been in the last week sounds really trying. My time will come.

    @-}—

    • Amy

      Thanks Jessica – I just saw this comment. Sorry it’s taken me so long to reply. As I’m sure you have seen from Shannon – it’s a monstrous recovery. I hope you both are well, especially in light of current affairs.

      Amy x